Hi Yessi,

This is a good start to a journal manuscript. You begin by pointing out a gap in the research. You explain that a lot of work has been done on women, but not on men. THen you say say that men are typically stereotyped as aggressive. You explain that in Iran, this is particulary pronounced–Iranian men expect to dominate women. Then you explain that this is a particular problem. Men are too dominant in Iran, it seems you are saying which causes problems. You reinforce that gender roles are strengthened by society and can cause problems.

I think there’s a lot to like about this paper. You have a lot of citations, which is good. But the thing I most admire and that you do best in the whole paper is that you clearly identify a gap in the research and address it. Just learning this one skill shows me you are growing as a writer.

Now, there are a few areas to improve on: most importantly I don’t see the research question / problem clearly delineated. I think you could do more work to clearly establish what problem / question you are exploring. I think because it is not clearly stated, it is not specific and so in the paper you lapse in generalities about how men are across the planet not just in Iran.

How could you clearly establish a research question in the paper to make the rest of it more specific?

While the gap in research is good, I want to see stronger research problems going forward into next semester.

There are some other issues to work on, but this is the key. If you need help, stop by office hours.

Best,
Mike